In Praise of ‘^Coming Outrn(Or: You Tell ^ Weil Ask)rnThere’s a debate taking place in Catholicism asrnto whether homosexual teachers in Catholic schoolsrnshould “come ouf—i.e., make their sexual orientationrnknown to their students. In the Jesuit weekly, America,rnBishop Thomas Gumbieton, who has a reputation forrnbeing “gay-friendly,” forthrightlyrnstaked out his position: “I urge thatrnteachers in Catholic schools bernfree to allow their sexual orientationrnto be known [and].. .the samernthing should be true of priests andrnreligious.”rnFine. This is how we thinkrnthe scenario will — or should —rnplay out: A certain percentagernof teachers, priests, and religiousrndeclare publicly thatrnthey’re homosexual. They’vernbroken the ice, and since they’rerntelling, we can ask. The 64-thousand-rndoilar question of coursernis: “Are you celibate or not?”rnThose who answer in the affirmative are given arnmedal to wear — no, we’re not being facetious, forrnthey deserve a medal in this day and age. As for thosernwho answer in the negative, they are immediately firedrnor defrocked, (And yes, this applies to bishops too.)rnAnd so as not to be discriminatory, unmarriedrnrteferosexual teachers and heterosexually-orientedrnpriests and religious will also be expected to declarernthemselves, and under the same conditions.rnSurely all ce/toate homosexuals will be delightedrnto “come ouf under these tenns. But there will be thosernhomosexually-active teachers, priests, and religiousrnwho will not come out. And there will be some heterosexually-rnactive priests, religious, and unmarried teachersrnwho will not declare themselves. Now, those whorndo not come out or declare themselves will come underrngrave suspicion. Such teachers will have to fish orrncut bait, and such priests and religious will have to dornso too — decide if they’re reallyrngoing to keep the vows^ey freelyrnmade. Therefore all priests andrnreligious and unmarried teachersrnwill be required to come out orrndeclare themselves and answerrnthe 64-thousand-dollar question.rnSoon all our unmarried teadiers,rnand all our priests and religious,rnwill be wearing those medals, forrnthose who refuse to come out orrndeclare themselves will also havernbeen terminated. Why, this programrnjust might eliminate the term “sexrnscandal” from the Catholte lexicon.rnSo thank you, BishoprnGumbieton, for a brilliant idea.rnAs you can see, we at the NEW OXFORD REVIEW,rnan orthodox Catholic monthly magazine, like to haverna little fun with our adversaries. We’re “cheeky” (asrnNewsweek says) and we’ve got “attitude” (as KarlrnKeating says). There’s a civil war going on in thernCatholic Church — indeed, in all of Christendom —rnand we like to fight it wherever possible with wit andrnmirth. And we cover the full range of issues of concernrnto orthodox Christians.rnWhether or not you’re Catholic, if you’d like tornadd some panache and pizzaz to your Christian faith,rnsubscribe today!rn(Please allow 2 to 8 weeks for delivery of first issue.)rnSPECIAL DISCOUNT RATESrnD One-year subscription $14 (regularly $19)rnD One-year student, unemployed, or retiredrnperson’s subscription $12 (regularly $16)rnD Two-year subscription $23 (regularly $35)rnName {Please print or type)rnStreet Address or P.O. BoxrnCity State ZiprnFOR FIRST-TIME SUBSCRIBERSrnn One-year non-U.S. subscription US$24rn(regularly $29) Payment must be drawn in U.S. Dollars.rnD Sample copy $3.50rn-» Our prices are so low because you can’t pay by creditrncard and payment must accompany order. Send letter or thisrncoupon with check payable to NEW OXFORD REVIEW.rn^3″^°- NEW OXFORD REVIEWrnRoom 426rn1069 Kains Ave.rnBerkeley CA 94706rnrnrn