401 CHRONICLESnrepugnant. The Pennsylvania Housenof Representatives is not the body tonaddress these foreign policy problems,nbut since we have taken this uponnourselves, let’s address them all—let’snnot be hypocritical — let’s not benintimidated — let’s be fair — let’s bencompassionate to all the suppressednpeople of this world. To the supportersnof the South African package, let’snerase any doubt that this is a racistnissue. Let’s make it a compassionatenissue—let’s pass this amendment.nLetter From thenLower Rightnby John Shelton ReednIt’s Time for (Yawn) AnothernElectionnIt hasn’t escaped attention down herenthat it’s an election year. My buddynEugene, who cares about these thingsnmore than is good for him, explainednto me the other day why George Bushnis going to be our next President.n”Well,” he said, “first we had Jimmyndoing his Woodrow Wilson impression,nright? Upright Christian soul,nsquare dealing among the nations, allnthat B.S. Now we’ve got a Hardingnclone—less filling, tastes great, back tonnormalcy with handsome Mr. Feel-nGood. Except it seems like we got himnfor the whole eight years, so the way Infigure it we’re overdue for Coolidge.nNow ask yourself: Who does the bestnCoolidge going?”n”Paul Simon?” I suggested.n”Forget him. Revenge of the Nerds:nThe Final Chapter. Half the votersnthink he’s the one that makes recordsnwith Zulus, anyway. Be serious. Whatnreal candidate would look stupidest innan Indian warbonnet?”nWell, I had to admit that he hadnGeorge Bush there. That’s the kind ofnoblique angle that usually makes Eugenenworth listening to. He’s the onenwho told me why there’s still some lifenin the bull market, despite the littlencorrection last October. “Seven fatnyears, then seven lean years,” he said,ntaking a pull on his Pabst Blue Ribbon.n”It’s in the Bible. You can look it up.”n* * *nWhen the South’s Democratic politi-ncos set up the Super Tuesday primary,nsome hoped it would help a home-boynlike Chuck Robb or Sam Nunn get thennomination. But the leading homeboysnapparently took one look at whatnthey’d have to kiss and eat to get thennomination (and I’m not talking aboutnbabies and bagels) and decided that ifnbeing senator or governor was goodnenough for Richard Russell and HarrynByrd, it was good enough for them.nNow it looks as if the principal elfectnof Super Tuesday will be a boost fornthe embarrassing campaign of JessenJackson — a home-boy sure enough,nbut not exactly what our solons had innmind.nWhat has happened? Is returningnthe party of Jefferson and (Andrew)nJackson to something like their principlesnreally a lost cause? For that matter,nwhat’s wrong with lost causes? Wenused to be attached to them downnhere. Where are the old-time rebel-yellnattack-and-die Southern Democrats?nThere used to be two political stylesnin the South: on the one hand, boringnconservative penny-pinchers who ranngood minimalist state governments; onnthe other, grotesque, extravagant creaturesnfrom the depths — expensive, butnentertaining. Politics in most Southernnstates cycled from one style to thenother. But penny-pinching is out ofnstyle, and Edwin Edwards may havenbeen the last of the great rogue governorsnfrom hell. Now we’re getting thenworst of both styles: boring big spenders.nYou might say we’ve traded blowhardsnfor blow-dries. Even Louisiana isnfilling up with Carteresque pinstripesnwho talk like James Moffett, head ofnthe Louisiana Council for Fiscal Reform,nquoted as saying that “A modernnera of politics is fixing to evolve.”nAmong the Democratic presidentialncandidates, only Jesse Jackson has anythingnto offer someone nostalgic fornthe old tradition of demagoguery andnhypocrisy, but I guess you can’t expectnnostalgic traditionalists to cotton tonJesse. Aside from Jackson, young AlnGore is the only Democrat who cannclaim any Southern connection, butnhe’s very much in this new mold.nBetween tokes. Tipper’s husband didnput in some time in the state his daddynrepresented in the Senate, but (as evennthe Wall Street Journal has noticed)nGore is less a Southern candidate thanna Washington political consultant’snnnidea of a Southern candidate. Frankly,nhe’s a Southerner like George Romneynwas a Mexican, and if folks down herenbuy him as a favorite son, it will be antriumph of political marketing.nMeanwhile, all the Republicansnhave to offer is Pat Robertson. (Yes, Inknow George Bush claims he’s anTexan, but he owns a funeral plot innKennebunkport, Maine. Need I saynmore?) What about the reverend?nWell, I heard a story once about thisngospel quartet that was singing a gig atna church back up some hollow in EastnTennessee. Midway through the service,nthe deacons start hauling in cages,nand it becomes clear that some snakesnare going to be handled. The baritonenturns to the lead tenor and whispers,n”Where’s the back door?”n”I don’t see one,” the tenor whispersnback.nThe baritone casts a glance at thenback wall. “Where do you reckon theynwant one?”nA lot of people feel that way aboutnRobertson. In many circles, as JessenJackson might put it, he’s respected,nbut he won’t get elected.nSo it looks as if we don’t get anSouthern candidate this year. Maybenafter the last one, some folks thinknthat’s just as well. At least the conventionsnare going to be in Atlanta andnNew Orleans, though, so some of ournpeople are going to make some moneynoff this deal anyway.n* * ^nOne of the remaining good thingsnabout America is that we don’t have tonwatch politicians if we don’t want to.nLast August, the 2,500 good Americansnof Mountain City, Tennessee,nrose in righteous and near-unanimousnwrath when the local cable companynreplaced the game shows and reruns ofnthe USA Network with somethingncalled C-SPAN, which offers stuff likenlive coverage of Congressional committeenmeetings.nA letter-writer in the weekly Tomahawknput her finger on the basic problemnwith C-SPAN: It’s “boring,” shensaid. Other irate mountaineers wrotento say that they resented having an”government channel” thrust intontheir living rooms, but that’s not fair.nBelieve it or not, C-SPAN is actuallynnot a government channel. Apparentlynsomewhere there are private citizensnwilling to pay to watch politiciansn