ing, iron-pumping, and track-suited joggingrnin trainers can protect the excessivernhoney (or McHoney) guzzler from becomingrnas portly as Louis the Handsome.rnOnly in America.rnIf Pooh and Piglet represent thernrugged Western frontier and the “hawgraising”rnSouth of America respectively,rnRabbit represents the very core of the nation,rnWashington D.C. Rabbit ain’t Babbitt.rnRabbit’s obsessive and useless fussingrnand organizing of other peoplernplaces him firmly in the managementrnstructure of a great American bureaucracyrnsuch as the FDA, and his expensivernfailure to “unbounce” Tigger was worthyrnof the CIA. His endless search for positionsrnfor his numerous friends and relativesrnmakes him very much a Washingtonrnfigure.rnIt is clear, then, that the militantrnBritishers who are agitating for Pooh andrnhis friends to be extradited to some obscurernEnglish museum are utterly mistaken,rnif the toys were returned, thernLimey climate would soon rot them withrnmildew, and the absence of bullet-proofrnglass would leave them unprotectedrnagainst terrorist assassination. Can’trnthose stupid Britishers see that, if Pooh isrnrepatiiated, they will lose far more to otherrncountries than they will gain fromrnAmerica? The Greeks will demand thernreturn of Elgin’s hoard, and the Britishrnwill lose their marbles; the Egyptians willrncry for their mummies; the great goldrnthrone of the MacHales, the last highrnkings of Munster, will have to be sentrnback to Ireland, and the Babylonianrnmanuscript of the Book of Daniel tornSaddam’s Iraq. In the end, an emptyrnBritish Museum will be turned into arnspare-parts warehouse for the flood ofrnKorean automobiles that Britain importsrnevery year.rnWhat can be done to placate thernwretched Britishers? In the short run, itrnwould help if a philanthropic Americanrnwere to buy up all the copies of the revoltingrnDisney film of Winnie the Pooh,rndestroy them, and obtain an agreementrnfrom Disney never to film the Pooh storiesrnagain. The British audiences whornsaw the film—with its appalling interposedrngopher—thought it was typicallyrnAmerican. They were unable to see thatrnDisney was simply a crass, mental-diabetes-rninducing schmalz-meister and thatrnhis film was far less authentically Americanrnthan A.A. Milne’s original works.rnDestioying Disney will help restore Anglo-rnAmerican amity.rnIn the long run, though, the only answerrnis for America to invite Britain tornjoin the United States and to turn its constituentrnpeoples into four new states ofrnthe union, each with a star on the Americanrnflag. America will obtain a vital permanentrnmilitary base and an economicrnasset on the very edge of Europe and reinforcernits position as the world’s richestrnand most powerful nation by gaining 60rnmillion new, peaceable, loyal Englishspeakingrncitizens. This would also savernBritain from extinction due to secessionrnby the new and belligerent Scottishrnand Welsh parliaments, the political unrestrnthat will follow the impending abolitionrnof the monarchy by Labour, andrnBritain’s departure from the EuropeanrnUnion under the Conservatives. A dismembered,rndisinherited, and isolatedrnBritain will have nowhere to go exceptrninto the arms of the United States. Thernprodigal father will have come home.rnOn that happy day, Britain will becomernas American as Pooh, and provincialrntourists from London will visit his homernat Pooh Corner in New York as easily asrnif they had come from Seattle or Albuquerque.rnChristie Davies is a professor in the Facultyrnof Letters at the University of Readingrnin England. He was the co-author ofrnthe entry on A.A. Milne in the AmericanrnEncyclopaedia of British Humoristsrn(Garland).rnUnder Fleurs-de-Lisrnby John Nixon, Jr.rnThe Kings of France migrated from VersaillesrnAnd Fontainebleau to democratic quartersrnIn the World Book. So adolescent I,rnWho greatiy cared about such regal matters.rnWas soon a neighbor and a frequent guest.rnI watched the Valois princes come and go.rnAs did the Bourbon boys. I was almostrnAmbassador without portfolio.rnIn those blue-bound chateaux, wholerncenturiesrnOf Callic politics, court intiigue, stiife.rnLiaisons passed under my enchanted gazernTill I became a royalist for lifernAnd would not, could not, not for all thernworld,rnLeave till the final lily banner furled.rn36/CHRONICLESrnrnrn