What with zombies, Ebola and politicians infecting the Land of the Free, it’s surprising we’ve survived. So it’s time for: Chronicles’ Halloween 2014 Most Horrible Americans List.

Put on your masks of these ghouls and scare your neighbors – if you dare!

1. Jeb Bush. He actually believes his fellow Americans – those not born with silver spoons in their mouths – are a bunch of lazy bums who don’t have enough kids. So we should be replaced by immigrants who are more energetic and have more kids.

Well, the born Americans I know are working 12-hour days, six or even seven days a week, to pay for the massive taxes that go to immigrants legal and illegal. Those Americanos, that is, who have jobs after his father and brother twice wrecked the economy.

Thanks to his family, it’s no wonder so many Americans, dazed from overwork, walk around like zombies.

2. Bill Gates. The world’s richest man is obsessed with population control and brainwashing American kids under Common Core (a Microsoft profit center), so they’ll vote themselves out of jobs given to slave-waged H-1B immigrants, making him the world’s first trillionaire. His ultimate goal is to replace all people but himself with computers. Fortunately, Windows crashes.

3. Hillary Clinton. She started out a Goldwater Girl back in 1964. She was radicalized by the Vietnam War, which she strongly protested; and by Saul Alinsky and Wellesley in the early days of the Western Stalinism known as political correctness. She married a famous con artist named Bill, then put up with his philandering, following him to the White House.

Now she’s Xena Warmonger Princess who hates American free enterprise, at least when she’s not making millions from it. She might be the next president, especially if the GOP nominates Jeb or Willard.

4. President Obama. It’s the ultimate trick-or-treat. He’s about to make legal millions of illegal aliens who have come here to take American jobs (except Jeb’s) and vote Democratic. This will give Republicans a chance to stop him, which they won’t.

Unleashed in his last two years from any new election, even for fellow Democrats, we can expect him to continue using unconstitutional executive orders to infect like a manufactured plague our liberties and pocketbooks.

5. House Speaker John Boehner and likely (after the election) Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Republican leaders have discovered how to keep away vampires and zombies: be totally bloodless. In a secret Capitol basement room they set up a machine that drains all precious bodily fluids from those aspiring to influence in party ranks.

But the experiment backfired, making them even more ghoulish than their enemies. Just look at their faces.

6. Mark Zuckerberg. What’s with these tech nerds wanting to replace us like the clueless Americans in the original 1956 “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”? The Facebook mega-billionaire plans  “to launch a massive political push in December to support President Barack Obama’s planned executive action on immigration. On Tuesday evening, it brought roughly 100 entrepreneurs to a ‘mini-hackathon’ at tech incubator Cross Campus as part of a nationwide push to support the president’s strategy.”

As Miles (Kevin McCarthy) screams at the end of “Invasion,” “They’re here…you’re next…you’re next!”

7. Sen. John McCain. The insanity just gets more intense. As bad as Obama has been, if elected McCain would have used his Jan. 20, 2009 inauguration to launch a global thermonuclear conflagration that would have left all 7 billion people on the planet dead. Except him and a few thousand chosen elites in mineshafts here, in Russia and in China.

His vision for America combines the apocalyptic horrors of “The Stand,” “On the Beach,” “Fail Safe” and “Dr. Strangelove.” For him, “nuclear combat toe-to-toe with the Russkies,” riding an H-bomb down through the bomb-bay doors, hollering “Yee-haw!,” is a consummation devoutly to be wished.

8. John Kerry. Actually played Lurch on the old “Addams Family” TV show. After it was canceled, he became one of the most famous anti-war protesters. Then he went to Congress and became a warmonger. As secretary of state, a year ago he was trying to get America to attack Syria to help the “freedom fighters” who turned out to be ISIS. This year he got the U.S. to re-invade Iraq to fight ISIS, even though his boss, Obama, was elected to get us out of there.

So hideous and horrendous, in 2004 voters even preferred Bush to him.

Finale: Just writing this list has scared me so much I’ll need some bourbon to treat my blood to scare away vampires. No doubt I’ve missed many Halloween 2014 Most Horrible Americans. Write your own choices below.