Just when I thought I’d seen it all, I discovered that Planned Parenthood of Indiana has deployed a new weapon in the War on Christmas—er, Holiday.  Not to mention the War on Life—er, inconvenience.

There’ve been some real dingers lately in the War on Holiday.  I just heard an ad on a sports-talk-radio station in Chicago that said, warm and gentle, “This Holiday Season, give your wife the gift of a vasectomy.”  Talk about a lump of coal!  At the Vasectomy Clinics of Chicago, Dr. Kiu Mostowfi will perform genital jihad on your jingle bells through elven magic.  It’s “non-surgical,” which means “no frozen peas” and “I was back to work that afternoon.”  The eager beaver in the Christmas radio spot did not mention Dr. Mostowfi by name, but that healer must be a man with a slow hand, because the ad’s effervescent Eugene the Eunuch ejaculated “And the doctor?  WOW.”

Now comes Planned Parenthood to one-up Kiu the Castrator.  “Looking for an unusual, yet practical gift this holiday season?” asks the press release.  Well, sure!  Who ain’t?  “Give the gift of health this holiday season”!  What’s more practical than “health”?

“Planned Parenthood of Indiana (PPIN) is now offering gift certificates for services or the recipient’s choice of birth control method.”  Now, of course the jolly elves at PPIN are careful not to use the a-word, but we know how the Sons of Sanger define “services” and “birth control.”  To alleviate any doubts for the careful gift-giver, the Chicago Tribune confirms that “yes, they can be used to pay for abortions.”

Calm down, says PPIN’s queen bee Betty Cockrum, “Ninety-five percent of what we do is provide basic health care.”  That makes me feel so much better, especially following this stunning attempt at downplaying infanticide: “We see 92,000 patients each year at Planned Parenthood of Indiana, and 5,000 of them opt for abortions.”

That number rings a bell.  The Saviour Whose Virgin-birth we celebrate at “Holiday” would one day feed that many.  Is 5,000 a small number or a large number?  Well, it’s pretty large if you’re talking about feeding 5,000 people with five loaves and two fishes.  What if you’re talking about murdering them with surgical instruments?  Is that small potatoes?

The miracle of the Feeding of the Five-Thousand points to the sort of Christmas gift that the Christ-child brings: that of His Body and Blood.  If you don’t want to feast upon those gifts, He says, you don’t want Him.  “Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.”  That’s what puts the Mass in Christmas.

Now, instead, we “celebrate” Christmas by giving Rachel an abortion gift certificate.  And Planned Parenthood isn’t weeping for Rachel’s children, which are no more.  They are interested in a very different sort of body and blood.