Botox Blasey Ford

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said “There are no second acts in American lives.” Maybe back when people were still capable of feeling shame,  a century ago, that was true. But today we seem to see any number of second and third lives, and invariably it is the people you most fervently want to forget who keep coming back.

Back in 2018, I had every reasonable hope that we could return to not knowing about Christine Blasey Ford. But she’s back for her second act—this time with a brand-new face paired with her same old surfer girl vocal fry, uptalk, and Prozac-addled gaze. There she is talking to the ladies of The View and NPR about the Brett Kavanaugh hearing and her brave public testimony. Oh, and she’d like you to buy her new book, too.

The last time any of us thought about her, she was testifying in front of the Congress’s judiciary committee in a desperate attempt to prevent Brett Kavanaugh from becoming a Supreme Court justice. After Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine) met privately with Kavanaugh and received his assurances that he was no threat to the holy sacrament of abortion or Roe v. Wade, she announced her support for his confirmation, and the last of the pink pussyhat and #metoo-sponsored resistance crumbled. Brett Kavanaugh is now Justice Kavanaugh, the Dobbs decision overturned Roe, and Christine Blasey Ford retreated to her beach house in California with almost a million dollars raised by her liberal devotees in two GoFundMe accounts.

In a note on GoFundMe, Ford announced she had stopped any further donations to her account. “The funds you have sent through GoFundMe have been a godsend,” Ford wrote in a note on the webpage. “Your donations have allowed us to take reasonable steps to protect ourselves against frightening threats, including physical protection and security for me and my family, and to enhance the security for our home.” She further promised that “[a]ll funds unused after completion of security expenditures will be donated to organizations that support trauma survivors. I am currently researching organizations where the funds can best be used. We will use this space to let you know when that process is complete.”

That was November 2018. If you, like me, have since tried to go to Ford’s GoFundMe page for an update on which charitable organizations for “trauma survivors” received her largesse, you were probably shocked, shocked to learn there aren’t any. Either she has decided suddenly to become extremely private, or she lied. Again.

Six years later, with all the fierce urgency of now, Ford is back with a memoir no one asked for about her experience and “riveting new details about the lead-up” to her testimony in 2018. According to St. Martin’s Press, the book will describe “its overwhelming aftermath,” when she allegedly received “death threats and was unable to live at her home.” She will describe “what it’s like to speak up in any setting, and what it’s like to face retaliation, but also that it’s survivable, and it’s more important that we all find a way to be civil and respectful and listen to each other, and support each other.”

“I never thought of myself as a survivor, a whistleblower, or an activist before the events in 2018,” Ford said in a statement tied to the book’s release. “But now, what I and this book can offer is a call to all the other people who might not have chosen those roles for themselves, but who choose to do what´s right.”

Bless her heart. Even though there is no public record, paper trail, or statement about what she did with all the money which she promised to donate to help victims of sexual assault, it isn’t too hard to see what she did with all that sweet GoFundMe cash. Christine Blasey Ford 2.0 has had, conservatively speaking, a facelift, a neck lift, LASIK surgery, some Botox and tasteful fillers, and either hair extensions or a Keratin treatment. Even so, these cosmetic improvements somehow have made the “new her” look like an even less funny Amy Schumer.

I get it. Cosmetic surgery ain’t cheap. All the sun damage from her surfer days riding those gnarly waves is probably showing up now. And for Ford, feeling good about herself and something that allegedly happened to her back in high school is apparently more important than supporting victims of sexual assault. Her Handmaid’s Tale supporters undoubtedly understand.

But why is she coming forward now, six years later, with this book that nobody will read? As a “call to other survivors”? To change the minds of people who remain skeptical of her story? Does her book contain all the evidence of sexual assault that she couldn’t remember or produce back in 2018? Please—those of us who aren’t Alyssa Milano remember exactly what an untrustworthy, unreliable witness Ford was. As The Federalist’s Mollie Hemingway definitively details on X:

  1. There is No Evidence that Ford and Kavanaugh Ever Met
  2. Leland Keyser Said She Did Not Have ‘Any Confidence’ in Her Friend’s Story
  3. Friends Pressured Keyser to Change Her Story
  4. All Alleged Witnesses Strongly Dispute the Claim
  5. Ford’s Father Supported Kavanaugh’s Confirmation
  6. Ford Doesn’t Know the Location
  7. Ford Doesn’t Know How She Arrived
  8. Ford Does Not Know How She Got Home
  9. Ford Does Not Know the Date or Even What Time of Week
  10. Ford Somehow Remembers She Had Precisely One Beer, But Not Other Details
  11. Kavanaugh’s Contemporaneous Calendars Support His Claim
  12. Ford Changed the Date of the Incident by Years from Her Initial Stories
  13. Character Witnesses from the Time Support Kavanaugh
  14. Ford’s First Mention of Kavanaugh’s Name is 2012 After He Became a National Figure
  15. False Claims Were Made about Ford’s Inability to Fly
  16. Ford Scrubbed Her Social Media
  17. Ford Said She Wanted to Stay Confidential, But First Call Was to Washington Post
  18. Ford’s Attorney Admitted a Motive of Desiring an Asterisk by Kavanaugh’s Name
  19. Ford Has Benefitted Politically, Financially, and Socially
  20. Nothing in Kavanaugh’s Past Remotely Similar to the Claim for 37 Years

So what is different now? Justice Kavanaugh has lifetime tenure on the bench. Who has asked her for any more details after her exhaustingly dissected and widely discredited testimony? Apparently, the only thing that has changed since 2018 is Ford’s face.

Botox Blasey Ford is no more credible now than she was in 2018.
Her book is merely more proof that she was a Democrat tool then and that she is still happy to be a tool now. The country is six months away from a presidential election. The Democrats must be panicking about Joe “Old Yeller” Biden’s abysmal numbers with even the most reliable voters in his base—white suburban college-educated, abortion-loving, Zoloft-popping liberal women—so they’re running the old playbook again, right on schedule. E. Jean Carroll is merely the latest in a string of the “victims of sexual assault” that Democrats trot out to remind liberal women how much they hate Donald Trump and nasty Republicans. Never mind the women Democrat politicians are alleged to have abused, such as Kathleen Willey, Juanita Broaddrick, Paula Jones, and Tara Reade. Democrats don’t care about them because it isn’t and never was about sexual assault or believing all women; it’s about beating Republicans.

E. Jean Carroll has big plans for her sexual assault award, too: She’s going shopping with Rachel Maddow and buying lots of new shoes with Donald Trump’s money. I wonder if she’ll save a little after her shopping splurge for some plastic surgery. Perhaps Christine Blasey Ford can recommend her surgeon.

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