A viral controversy on the internet may shed some light on today’s abysmal dating culture. A woman in her late 20s shared a story about telling her boyfriend of over two years that he wasn’t someone with whom she “would hookup or be a fwb [friends-with-benefits] with but marry.” Instead of taking this as a compliment, he “seemed extremely distraught after that” and later “told [her] that he needs space to think for a while.” Naturally, the girlfriend regretted what she said and sought advice from the wise strangers on Reddit.

Although this anonymous query might sound frivolous in light of everything else happening in the world, it successfully encapsulates some of the main pathologies preventing men and women from experiencing the joys of marriage and all that leads to more meaningful lives. It’s evident that the great majority of romantic relationships in today’s world have been poisoned by the loss of a moral center and the rampant juvenile absurdity that follows. It should go without saying that a decline in dating inevitably leads to a decline in marriage, a decline in childbearing, and thus impacts the country’s demographic future.

Cultural commentator and humorist, “Cartoons Hate Her,” (CHH) gives a helpful analysis of the discourse, entitled “Everything is Virgin vs. Chad.” She first notes that most of the responses to this viral controversy came from men who said that the girlfriend’s comment implied that her boyfriend wasn’t physically appealing. Rather, he was a well-meaning sap who could support her financially and emotionally. CHH explains later that “a woman might hook up with a really hot guy and marry a sort of average guy who has other things going for him.”

According to CHH, this idea stems from a false dichotomy popularized and pushed by influencers in the “manosphere,” a wide-ranging online movement that promotes male empowerment. In today’s world, there are “Chads” who are strong, attractive, men enjoying an abundance of sexual partners, and there are “virgins” who are weak, unattractive, men struggling with finding a mate. Therefore, telling a man he is better suited for marriage than he is for hooking up is the equivalent of telling him he is a virgin and not a Chad.

Of course, as CHH points out, this is more likely an instance of the two sexes misunderstanding one another than an instance of intended insult. If the roles were reversed and the boyfriend had told his girlfriend that she was someone he would want to marry and not just hook up with, then she likely would be flattered. It would mean that she is not a sex object, but a high-quality person with whom he could make a lifelong commitment.

So where does this leave the girlfriend who is worried about losing her boyfriend over her poorly worded compliment? With any hope, she can realize her error, apologize, and reconcile with her boyfriend. And in good time, they can marry, have children, and be equal partners in a loving monogamous relationship that grows stronger with each passing year.

Unfortunately, it’s more likely that the boyfriend will move on to a new relationship, and the girlfriend will go back to the drawing board of trying to find a marriageable man.

If one takes a step back, there are a few red flags that CHH seems to have missed that probably explain what’s likely to happen. First, they are “both 28 years old and [have been] together for 2.5 years.” Presumably, they have finished college and started their careers, so there is nothing to hold them back from marriage and having children. The fact the mere mention of this obvious point ends up pushing the boyfriend away suggests that marriage scared him more than the notion of not being a Chad.

Second, the couple is already cohabitating. She mentions that he “left the house” the morning after she made her comment. This means that they are already sleeping together and living like a married couple. Consequently, the boyfriend likely sees marriage as giving up his freedom and relational leverage for no tangible benefit. Right now, he gets everything he wants out of his girlfriend, and she has no choice but to continue cooperating or he will leave her for someone else.

Third, the boyfriend reacts to the comment by becoming distraught and running away instead of telling her directly what bothers him. This is the idiotic behavior of a man-child who can’t articulate his feelings or approach a serious relationship rationally. Then again, he probably knows what she intended with her comment (i.e. that they should marry), but deliberately interprets it as an attack on his sex appeal. Which still means that he’s a man-child who refuses to step up and be an adult.

Altogether, it’s fair to assume that what’s really happening in this instance is likely what’s happening in most relationships: excessive insecurity and widespread aversion to commitment. Men and woman who should be at the point of starting families, owning property, and building lives with their mates are stuck in perpetual adolescence, seeking cheap sex, constant validation, and minimal responsibility. It should surprise no one that they nevertheless suffer misgivings about themselves even when they seem to be “winning the game.”

The solution to this isn’t complicated. It’s time for young people to grow up. As St. Paul famously put it, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” It’s time for these hapless singles to go and do likewise.