In regard to the recent controversy over illegal immigration, allow me to offer a few liberal proposals.
The problem could be easily and immediately solved by putting all illegal aliens to work constructing a wall across the entire southern border. (They make up 25 percent of the construction industry, anyway.) And, at below minimum wages, what a bargain! But I’m afraid the ACLU and 12 million other illegal aliens just wouldn’t see the humor, or irony, in it.
As a prerequisite to citizenship, we could have all aliens (legal or otherwise) serve a minimum of two years in the U.S. Armed Forces. Not only would that help us fight the “War on Terror,” but it would help protect our own borders—which, by the way, is what the military is supposed to be doing.
Or we could just do what Mexico does: Outlaw all immigration; close our borders; punish the bad guys; ban all protests; and throw anyone who disagrees with us in jail. But wait! Isn’t that what’s causing the problem to begin with—the Mexican government? Oh, well, so much for NAFTA.
And last but not least, we should consider “profiling” all illegal immigrants and allow only the good-looking and smart ones to come in. Hey, we already have a surplus of ugly and stupid people. The smart ones, of course, will work hard, pay taxes, have kids, and send them to public school, where they can learn, among other things, that Davy Crockett was a war criminal, Texas was stolen from Mexico, and the rest of us are racists. And the good-looking ones . . . well, who cares what they do? As long as they look good doing it and can still mow our lawns. ¡Si, se puede!