Not to Worry

Me seemes the world is runne quite out of sqaure
From the first point of his appointed sourse,
And being once amisse, growes daily wourse and wourse.
The Faerie Queene

It looks like the economy is going bad, but don’t worry. Congress will make sure the bankers and speculators don’t suffer.

Could military failure in Iraq have anything to do with this being the first war fought with rap music? (At least in every movie about the war, the soldiers are always listening to rap, and we know Hollywood never lies.)

There must be a lot of traditionalists left in Hollywood, though. I hear they like a lot of Coke. I have not heard anything about them liking Diet Coke.

Maybe the Department of Homeland Security is better than we thought. At least they had Nelson Mandela on the terrorist watch list.

According to the Census Bureau, minorities will be the majority in the U.S. in 2042. Will we repeal affirmative action then?

Speaking of affirmative action, the U.S. Constitution forbids the creation of orders of nobility. Nobles are people who are given special status and privileges by reason of birth. If the U.S. Constitution were still valid, this provision would prevent affirmative action.

Football season is here. But, not to worry. With a new cable plan you can get twelve games at the same time.

I sometimes wonder whether American decline is most due to Northeastern greed and hypocrisy, Southern inertia and cynicism, the simple-mindedness and gadget-mania of Midwesterners, or the solipsistic nihilism of Californians. At any rate it is a deadly mixture and the ingredients ought to be separated out for the good of Americans and of the world.

Not to worry. Diversity is working. It is reported that nearly 200 U.S. cities have active Mexican gangs. My town just had its first machete murder. No estimate was given of Russian, Asian, or other Latin American contributions to the Proposition Nation.

American business is noted for its customer service. Some companies even let you “unsubscribe” from e-mail advertisements that you never subscribed to in the first place.

Let’s keep reminding ourselves, as often as it takes, that it was the venerated Ronald Reagan who empowered the neocons.

The U.S. has jumped into the middle of civil wars in foreign countries before before—Vietnam, Nicaragua. But Junior Bush is the first actually to start a civil war without knowing which side he was on.

Americans have long boasted that they are pragmatists, a practical can-do people not bound by theory. I suppose that explains “global democracy” and “the indispensable nation.”

But not to worry. With Obama we will enjoy exciting “change” or with McCain comforting continuity.

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